Are You Trying to be Someone You're Not?

I have been struggling with this painting for over a year. It has been through many iterations, none of which have been quite right.And I use the word 'struggling' by careful choice. It has felt difficult every step of the way.I know why this is happening.It's the green. Despite the fact that I paint abstract landscapes - and despite the fact that I am SURROUNDED by a cornucopia of greens - I get stuck whenever I try to make a green painting.So why am I trying? I'm not sure. Perhaps because I think the landscape is green and abstract landscape art should reflect that. Perhaps because some of the artists I admire use green so well. Perhaps because North Yorkshire Open Studios is coming up and I feel I should have at least one painting that reflects the actual colours of this area. Maybe it's just because it annoys me that I can't do it - that it feels like a challenge to conquer. Or perhaps it's a combination of all those things.Whatever the reasons, none of them come from within me. They are all external.I am NOT making a green painting because it called to me. I am NOT making it because splashing on green paint feels like a true joy, or because my heart lifts when I draw a blue line through the green.I am making it because I think I should.That is in sharp contrast to this piece - also currently in progress. This one has come easily. It has flowed out of me. And I have known what to do next at every step of the way. And there is such a difference in my reaction to the two paintings - I adore the red one. I enjoy looking at it. I feel a tiny thrill at the fact that it came from inside me. But I feel heavy and stuck when I look at the green one. As though I am wading through wet mud.I think that in art (as in life) we can navigate our way by recognising how we feel about things. Does that colour fill you with excitement? Does that way of mark-making feel joyful? Or do you feel constrained and tight when you're making your work?I have found that following what feels good leads to better paintings. If I make work from a place of joy, I love it and it appeals to buyers. But if I try to make something to please others, or because it's what I think I 'should' make, I am always disappointed.So now I am looking at that green painting and wondering - will I keep on battling? Or will I choose to go over it once again, but this time with colours that I love?