“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart...live in the question.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke

When I finished my recent collection of paintings, I had many favourites - but there were two that excited me in a new way. These two felt like directions to the way forward for me. They were less 'landscapey' for sure and I felt they were more emotive.

I was looking forward to seeing them in the gallery and yet when I arrived on the day of the hang, I couldn't find them.

The gallery manager showed me round and then said "There are just two that really didn't fit, so I chose not to hang them."

Guess which two she was talking about!

If you've been making art for a while, I bet you've had a similar experience. The painting or pot that you love the most is the one that hangs around the longest. Meanwhile, the one you almost didn't hang is the one that sells first.

Last year I sold one of my favourite paintings - but I had it for THREE years! I had sold every other painting from that time but still no-one wanted my favourite (which of course made it extra sweet when the right collector finally came along and it winged its way to Canada).

Reflecting on it, I see that the "three-years unsold" painting had something in common with these two - it was ahead of its time. By which I mean it wasn't like the other paintings in the series - it was more in line with where I am now, and my 2019 collectors just weren't ready for it.

I wonder if the same applies to these two paintings?

I think it does. And I think this is important for getting new ideas. When this happens - when we love something but it feels different for us - I think we have to learn from that.

In my courses, I help people to understand that all that matters is themselves and their own opinion. I teach them to guide themselves by learning what they love and what they don't. And I have them use a studio journal to keep track.

So that's what I did this week ... I went back and did some writing about these paintings along with some of the experimental work I've been doing on paper. It was such a valuable exercise because it clarified my direction and also bolstered my confidence to pursue it no matter what.

See, I'm interested in moving away from landscape - at least for now - and into something much more personal. That means there will be people who don't like what I'm doing nearly as much as they liked what I made in the past. I know this. And it takes confidence to make something different - something we know might not be marketable or might not attract the "likes" and compliments that prior paintings have garnered.

But I can't be swayed by that. I believe in those paintings. I love the mix of collage and paint. I love the soft blends contrasted with the bold marks and painty scribbles. I love the pastel, summery colours. And I love the thin pencil line peeking through. These paintings are true expressions of a state of mind and I can feel that way again every time I look at them.

So having identified what I love, I have set out to do more of it. I'm working in sketchbooks and on paper and I'm allowing myself complete freedom to just express whatever wants to be expressed. I'm not judging myself and I'm not editing. For now I am simply expressing.

People often ask me "where do you get your ideas" and the answer is I get them like this. I follow the things I most love.

I chose what they are and then I explore them with total freedom from expectation. Because expectation is the killer. If I start to imagine what these paintings might become (and how they might resonate with others and where I might show them) the idea will die and I will be left with a bunch of crappy work and no way forward.

But if I work with total freedom and don't even try to succeed, I start to find my way forward. The ideas start to pull me at that point. It is not longer something I control. I just follow them wherever they lead.

I love this about what we do. I love that we get to venture out into the unknown every time we go into our studios. I genuinely can't remember what it felt like not to have this in my life. I genuinely wonder how other people manage. How boring it must be to know where you're going and why you're doing things!

If you're currently exploring new ideas, maybe you know this feeling. But if you've never worked this way, give it a try. Go back and look at the outliers from your most recent work and see what they have to show you.

Just in case anyone else loves these paintings as much as I do, I've added them to my website as part of the Layered Landscape collection which you can see HERE. (These are for sale directly through my website rather than through the gallery).

But assuming no-one buys them, I will hang them in my own home as guideposts. They will shine a light on the way forwards and even though I am heading into the unknown, they will remind me that it's all worthwhile. They will reassure me that it's all going to be OK :)