Why is it so hard to trust ourselves?

I've been thinking about trust this week. Specifically I've been thinking about trust in oneself. I am looking for outside studio space - I feel my art needs more space, and I also feel drawn to (maybe) holding a few in-person events. 

So, I've been scouring commercial property listings and learning about things like business rates and 'change of use' permissions and service charges (none of which I imagined when I dreamed of the artist's life!) It's been exciting and inspiring, but now I am at the point where a decision needs to be made.

Now, I've always seen myself as someone who struggles with decisions. I have a natural ability to see all sides of any situation, which is both a blessing and a curse. It means I can instantly see both the positives and negatives in any opportunity, but it also means I can get mired down in 'what ifs.'  This often results in me going around in circles.

In this case, the inside of my mind looks something like this: "it would be nice to be in town so you could do your shopping easily and be around other people BUT being so close inevitably means 'politics' you don't yet understand (community squabbles, challenging neighbours, parking disputes etc). OK then, being out in the business park means being in a beautiful space with lots of peace and quiet BUT would I be lonely? What would it be like in winter? Also, in town I could buy a place which means I have an investment  .... but also a lot of responsibility for an old building with issues. So maybe I should rent, then I don't have any responsibility? But with renting I don't have an investment - what if it all falls apart and I need money? I won't have a building to sell."

It's a mess in there!

But as I've got older (and hopefully wiser), I've learned a couple of tricks to cut through all my mental noise and make a decision that feels good.

Here is my 4-part strategy for making this (or any) decision:

1) Remind myself that these are very nice problems to have. 10 years ago, I was making art in a small cupboard. Now I am able to envisage investing in a space literally beyond my wildest dreams. I am so lucky.

2) Remind myself that there is never a perfect decision. Each one comes with positives and negatives. I will never know for sure if the one I choose was the best option - but once the choice is made, I will make it work. 

3) Make a sensible list of pros and cons.

4) Never look at that list again. Instead revisit both places, breathe, and connect with my body. Which one feels best? Which one sparks excitement? Which feels more filled with possibility?

And with those final 3 questions, my decision is made. 

I can now withstand the barrage of people who feel the other choice would have been better, because I am following my soul's desire. Some will say "ooh but don't you think...?" or "I would have done ..." or "are you sure?" and I can smile politely and continue on my way, confident that I made a good choice.

In the end it comes down to trusting myself and my own desires. Which is so simple to say and so hard to do. As artists, we are intuitive beings; we feel a lot; we experience things we can't put into words or explain logically. But we are surrounded by muggles  - people who don't operate that way; people who are slaves to analysis and logic. 

I remember a friend of mine once saying "when it comes to decision-making, you have to set emotion aside." That literally stopped me in my tracks: how would you even do that???

Instead, I think many of us have to let our feelings guide the way. It's how we're wired. I don't mean that we should jump at everything without giving it any time. I think reflection is incredibly important ... but I think many of us have to reflect on how we feel, not on what our mind is thinking.

This works in life but it works in art too. At the moment, I am working on August's class for my Art Tribe group. It's all about how to work through a creative block, and basically, the process is the same... it's simply about trusting what you most want to do creatively and knowing that your desires can't possibly be wrong.

I'm sure this doesn't apply to everyone - there must be people who work much better from a logical, thought-based perspective - but it definitely works for me.