Have I been getting it all wrong

I am a big achiever - I like to set goals and accomplish them. So over the years I have set bigger and bigger goals, and (mostly) I've achieved them. But I notice that no matter how many things I achieve, my base level of happiness stays the same. And I also notice that once I achieve one thing, I have to achieve another, and another, and another. It never ends.

So I've been thinking about why this is and then someone sent me a video that explained it clearly and succinctly. (I apologise to the person who sent the video as I can't find the message and can't thank you by name.) Basically, the video explained that dopamine is released in the highest quantities at the start of a project, NOT at the end. This means that biologically we are programmed to enjoy the journey, not the end result.

And yet, society has trained us to be productive and achieve goals, and by focusing on that, we miss the experience of the journey. This goes directly against our biology!

This is why we get lost in the process of making our work, but don't get as much satisfaction from the finished painting. Once the painting is done, the dopamine dissipates. It increases again when we start a new painting or series.

I have always known that finished paintings don't excite me. Often I struggle to put my work up for sale simply because I have switched focus on to the exciting new project that now has all my energy. But it feels helpful to understand why that happens - it feels helpful to know that we are actually wired that way.

I spent the last week in Cumbria working on a property that I hope to use as a teaching base. It is a remote and far flung part of the country - here is a short video of my drive home, so you can see how quiet it is (the van in front is my builder - we had the road to ourselves for almost an hour).

I worked hard all week - the kind of physical labour I don't normally do - and pulled many muscles in the process. We did make progress and it was satisfying to stand back and see the results, but it's also exciting to think of all we have to do. I love that the garden is overgrown with weeds, and that the whole house needs painting. I look forward to finding a way to turn a tin barn into a workshop space and studio.

But I also look forward to getting to know the hens I inherited. I want to get to know my neighbours and find my way around the country lanes. I will enjoy finding out the best place to buy the things I need, and I will look forward, most of all, to one day welcoming people to my beautiful part of the world so that we can enjoy the process of creation together.

We won't care whether or not we finish a painting - we will simply focus on the act of applying paint and in doing so, we will feel far better than if we set out to "get a good result." After all, it's biologically determined :)